Of all the memories that we store, why do some stand out more than others? Why can’t I remember the reason I was so mad at my husband when we had that huge fight six months ago? Why can’t I really remember how much it hurt to give birth to my two daughters (especially the second one, who came so quickly there was no time for drugs to numb the pain)? Why don’t I remember when and how I transitioned to solids with my first child when it’s time to do the same with my second?... will I forget what it feels like to be a teenage girl before my girls are in their teens (cause I swore I wouldn't)?
Seriously though... this whole “time” thing sends my thoughts to weird places. Sometimes it feels like I spend so much time and energy preparing for a big moment – and in the end that’s all it is – a moment – here one second and gone the next. Some are memorable and I’m all for making memories... but some just get forgotten, no matter how sweet or significant they may have seemed at the time.
I learned the “time goes by so fast” lesson soon after having my first daughter, Layla. Although I was a relatively relaxed first time mom, the first two-months were challenging. I had some pretty serious pain issues with nursing and we were working towards a sleeping and eating schedule that would encourage longer periods of night time sleep. At about 2 months old – nursing suddenly stopped hurting and she started sleeping through the night (almost simultaneously).
Instead of feeling relief I was regretting that I had wished the time away and that I had not fully appreciated those early moments with my precious little girl. I can honestly say that that experience has made me consciously make an effort to live in the moment and appreciate the day to day with both Layla and Meaghan... yes... even in the first weeks of Meaghan's life I was determined to enjoy and treasure the good, the bad and the ugly.
So where does this leave me?
When I realize how time is just passing, and that all my little moments are fading into one another?
I take pictures. I make videos. I try to capture the things that I want to remember... the things that I want to tell my kids one day. Things that will trigger my memories and help me to remember what I may otherwise forget. (But have you ever noticed that the picture doesn't ever quite reflect reality? hmmm.)
And I make a real effort to slow down. The business and pace of life that our society pushes cannot possibly be conducive to "living in the moment". I need to take the time to stop - to observe - to treasure - to laugh - to cry...
...because life is short... and I don't want to miss a thing...
A.
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