When will I get it together?

[photo by Lel4nd]

“When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further... What a wonderful opportunity to start all over again, to turn over a new page.”

- Eileen Caddy

I feel like I've been trying forever to figure out the right way to get organized, to manage my time better, and to get rid of the clutter ("stuff", physical, emotional, etc.) in my life. The inner dialogue that goes along with this struggle is funny (or weird or pathetic or...) and goes a little like this...

I really have to just go through the house and get rid of everything that I don't use or wear or need...

If I could just convince myself to wake up 30 minutes earlier every morning, I think I'd have more time to take care of me... work out, pray, enjoy a cup of coffee in silence... uh... that's more than 30 minutes isn't it?

But I don't want to wake up earlier. I. really. like. sleep.

Maybe if I stopped spending time on facebook... yeah... we should just get rid of the Internet... um... maybe not...

I'll get it right this week. I'll write lists, get up earlier, make myself a schedule... that'll do it.

This week, I'm going to make a list of all the things I need to do... and a meal plan for the next few days..

So... how should I organize my list? Should I make 3 lists? 4 lists? Menu... Kilimanjaro fundraising... new recipe for blog... work-related... people to touch base with... craft ideas for Layla... stuff to do around the house...

Oh my goodness.

I don't know what to say when people are impressed with how much I have going on at the same time. On the one hand, I think of other people I know who seem to manage way more... I think (I know) they're more intentional in their time management than I am, otherwise I have no idea how they do it. On the other hand, I think to myself "uh... I'm not managing as well as you think I am... I get overwhelmed too...

I just don't want to say no... and the good feeling I get from the exciting, encouraging moments seems to consistently outweigh the wanting to give up moments when I feel like I'm running around with no sense of reason or direction (the phrase "chicken with my head cut off" comes to mind... though the mental image that comes with that is not quite what I'm trying to describe!).

I'm not trying to be self-deprecating here - just honest. I'm struggling lately - with a million and one to do lists I'm not getting everything that I want to get done, done. It's not to say that I haven't been encouraged, that I haven't seen successes, or that anything is going "bad". I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed.

And what I'm about to say is more for me than for anyone reading... I need to remember this "advice"...

"Life is a marathon, not a race" - take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Do not get overwhelmed by the things you cannot change or control. Do not get overwhelmed by the things you can. You can only do one thing at a time, so do it... and do it the best you can. And try to remember to take a moment every day to step back and count your blessings... and remember what life is all about... to quote a teenage pop star "It's about the climb"!

I feel better already.



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