Had you asked me a few years ago if I wanted a big family... whether I wanted boys or girls... my answer would have come easily. I knew I wanted a big family. I knew I wanted 4 boys.
I've learned since then (and in a number of different circumstances) not to hold my breath when I start making plans. I've learned that it's true what they say... "plans" are simply made to be broken!
Sitting here - the mother of two girls - I'm ashamed and a little embarrassed to admit to you that I always wanted boys. 4 boys.
2 girls later...
...and unsure whether we'll have another child or not, (and if we do, I think I'll finally be hoping for a girl at that 20 week ultrasound!) it would seem that I didn't get what I thought I wanted. And I am happy to say that I'm thrilled. For real. Not just because I should be or I have to be... I am embracing PINK!
For some reason I always thought that I would be a better Mom to boys. I don't know if it's because I grew up with 2 brothers or because I had this vision of myself as a "soccer Mom" or what... but when I found out that we were expecting a girl (during my first pregnancy) I was scared. Will I be a good mom to a girl? Will I be a good example? Will we have a good relationship? How am I going to do this?
Since I always thought about having boys... I never really thought about what it would be like to have girls.
I didn't realize how special it would be to have girls. To be their Mom. I didn't think about how much I would love to experiment with their hair, dress them up, play with dolls... AND I can still play with trucks, in the sandbox - and be a soccer mom (one day!)
I definitely didn't foresee the way it would melt my heart when Layla says to me "I'm like you Mom". Nowadays she is usually referring to ponytails or body parts (she's becoming quite aware of her "boobies" and her "v" these days... eeek!) but I know that the "female" bond will run much deeper than appearances as the years go by.
I now look forward to the things (and the conversations) that a mom can only share with a daughter.
Sure... it'll be interesting around the house once the girls have hit puberty and all of our monthly cycles are aligned (Brandon might disappear for a few days each month...). But no matter how much people may say that they look like their Dad - they will always be "like" me.
So... the big question is - Will I be a good Mom to girls? I pray that I will. That I'll provide them with a good example of a loving, generous, confident and happy woman. That they will see in my relationship with their dad - that kind of relationship that they will one day want. That they will never be afraid to tell me anything (that my disapproval will not = rejection).
My daughters make me happy to be a mom to girls. A mom to them. Now I just have make sure that I'm a good one!
A.
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